What The Hell??? Wait… can I post that?

Sorry if my title offends but someone said I have to introduce myself and I don’t enjoy exposing myself so I probably won’t type much because I bore myself but here goes:

I’m GAY.

A LESBIAN to be exact. BUTCH to be precise.

I don’t support Obama or anyone for that matter now that my ex is gone.

I tend to be rude, lewd and socially unacceptable but I put on a good act so no one suspects that.

All my friends are Vampires or Pirates. I like it like that.

I love Katy Perry. Don’t Judge Me! I love Adele too.

My mom doesn’t know I’m Gay.

Oh and I lie sometimes but it’s nothing serious. I’m not pathological or anything like that and that’s a lie too.

Of course my mom knows I’m gay.

Me being gay, that’s her fault because she accused me endlessly of being, “a big ole’ Lesbian.” When she apologizes which she does at least once a year I just smile and say, “no worries mom, “I’m only a lesbian because I didn’t want you to be wrong.”

Seriously have you noticed your mother is always right?

Remember when you were young and she told you things like, “there will never be a black president in my lifetime” Of course you argued with her because you believed in our fine country with liberty and justice for all or maybe because you were just young and mostly dumb.

Now your mother says, “remember I told you there would be a black president.” And because you are older and wiser you just smile and nod your head. You know there’s no point arguing with her.

Are you smiling and nodding your head right now because you know I’m right?

Then that must make me some kind of mother.

Honestly, there’s only one kind of mother I’ve ever been and it’s not a mother trucker but it rhymes with it.

Thanks mom for always being right, Love your LESBIAN daughter.

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14 thoughts on “What The Hell??? Wait… can I post that?

  1. “Sorry if my title offends”, you say. What did you think? That people would see your title, think, gosh that’s offensive, I must read the whole post to be offended more?

    No, you’re not sorry. Fuck, no. If you had just said it, you could be genuinely sorry, and if you were sorry now you would alter the word.

    I’ve bitten. Reel me in, darling.

  2. Am loving the new blog! This is great. Keep it up, it gives me something to smile n laugh about and yes my mother was exactly like that 🙂

    Can’t wait to read the next one!

    • Aren’t all moms like that?
      Or maybe my mom’s just special.
      She thinks she is and she’s right.
      She’s special in so many ways.

      It’s time for you to blog with me.

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