Muff, Muff, NAKED MUFF or…

 

 

Damn fukin BUSH! Seriously, I’m not a carpet muncher. I love me some hard wood floors.

I know there’s absolutely not a single possibility that I’m the only gold star lesbian who ever fell for or got tricked into being involved with a “straight I was just pretending to please society now I’m a lesbian womyn”. It’s happened to all of us full blood womyn loving lesbians. Even those of us who are not gold star lesbians (I’ve promised myself to stay focused on the topic so tune in tomorrow when I will explain Gold Star Lesbian).

So getting right down to it and I do mean down to it. I always know if I’m with a true lesbian because those hard wood floors tend to be a lesbian virtue. Thank you ladies. I love your hard wood floors.

Now straight and bi womyn this is where I feel the need to give you some advice.

I being a lesbian have the priviledge of being a witness to straight/bi womyn banter. You straight and bi womyn love sex talk with each other and you always ask the BUtch lesbian her opinion. The biggest topic, of course “my man will not go down on me.”

My question back always the same, “Carpet or Hard Wood?” There’s a reason why men call a womyn’s sacred goods a beaver because it’s fukin hairy like a beaver and they wanna feed your beaver their wood. It took me a while to figure that out. Actually sleeping with a few straight womyn with big ole’ hairy beavers cleared it all up. Eeewww! I wouldn’t go near that damn hairy animal with my face, tongue or even my fingers. The only thing going in there was my big ole strap on. Reasons why you may ask, of course you are wondering why.

1) It’s so outta control it’s like a big ole’ fro.
2) If it ain’t curly I don’t wanna get my eye poked.
3) I don’t wanna swallow those kinky things and choke. Nothing like trying to hack up a curly pube.
4) It’s too much fukin effort to dig through that growth and keep it out of the way to perform the lickety split.
5) The big obvious reason, it just ain’t clean. There’s the lingering sweat, I got excited earlier today mixed with pee pee smell that is totally horrid.

There’s more reasons I could continue listing but I’ll just stick with the Top 5.

Now how do those straight/bi womyn respond when I tell them those are the reasons their man won’t go down there and eat it like a vulture?

Well hell they are speechless and then someone always asks, “can you recommed the best razor?”

SHAVE YOUR BUSH!
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WAX YOUR BUSH!

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FUKIN’ MOW YOUR DAMN BUSH!

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7 thoughts on “Muff, Muff, NAKED MUFF or…

  1. Reblogged this on The Southern Strip and commented:
    This goes double for strippers, ladies! There’s nothing worse than getting a dance and wondering – ‘where is that smell coming from’ – but remember, in most states there is the two finger rule. You must have a landing strip the width of two fingers at minimum! And don’t fret about razor bumps. Seek out your nearest Pure Romance consultant (Hi Stacey!) and get the Coochy Shave Cream. It works, so no excuses!

  2. I am not a lesbian and I can totally relate! I was a stripper for several years, but in the beginning I always shaved. I got tired of guys asking if my hair color was natural, so I just grew out a little but ALWAYS kept it neat and clean!!!

  3. I have found my sexual niche. Women who think they are straight, but get turned on by a trans woman. I help them to realise they are really lesbian, I do their confused boyfriends a favour, everyone wins!

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