Day One with BUtch Vagina Bush… it’s only day one so it’s still smooth. YAY!
I’m seeing someone. She’s a wonderful perfect womyn.
However, she’s MIA. Vacationing, visiting, gambling, traveling, doing whatever she wants to do. It’s her time. She has a right to it. We all do. It’s tough. I haven’t seen her but once in the past twenty one days. It wasn’t the most wonderful visit that one time and I’ve only talked to her once on the phone since.
When she gets back from her sabbatical I’ll be gone doing my thang out of town so it will more than twenty one days when I finally get to see her again.
Relationships are tough. I asked myself what can I do in her honor to prove to her she’s the one? Something that would convince her of my desire to see only her and share everything I am with only her.
Several things came to mind.
I could shave my head.
I have no doubts that would totally make me invisible to the lesbian masses. However, I can’t do that. It’s taken me years to perfect this BUtch Do.
I could swear off Sushi until I see her.
Not possible. I would die. I eat sushi so much it’s the only way I continue to exist.
I could write her a love song.
Can’t do that either. I tried and it just turns out being a mix between and angry Miranda Lambert, I’m gonna kill you for leaving me country revenge song and a sappy raunchy Katy Perry smash up. Wait… I might have a hit here.
There were many other options I considered also but the glaring one that stood out loud and clear in my mind was the one I kept passing up because it compromises everything I stand for. If you are a reader of my blog or if you happen to know me in person one thing I am totally against is BUSH, BEAVER, HAIRY MUFF. I detest it. I can’t stand the sight of it, or the smell of it. It makes me ill when I have those flash backs of gagging on a curly pube.
So of course that’s the answer. She knows I am a highly hygienic BUtch and I make sure my biscuits are slick and sweet. What could I do in her honor to prove to her she’s the one? Something that would convince her of my desire to see only her and share everything I am with only her?
I think you know where I’m going with this.
I’m traumatized just thinking about it but I will do it. JUST THIS ONCE!
So here goes:
THE THINGS WE DO FOR LOVE. DAMNIT!