1ply, 2ply and Number Two


Two more views and I’ll hit the big 3,000 mark.

Waaaahhhhoooo! I myself gave it very little thought until I read a blog wherein someone was thanking all the 2,000 viewers for taking a moment to view her blog in the year she had been blogging. That caught my attention because I only started this blogging/posting endeavor TWO MONTHS ago!

So thank you everyone for at least taking a peek especially since I’m rated a mature blogger which I’m not sure if that has helped or hindered my audience. I certainly don’t intend to change my style that would be like asking the sun to stop being hot. It’ impossible. I say what I think and feel and that’s just the way I am. I enjoy myself and I’m glad you do too. I hope to blog more and I hope more people will comment. Reading other bloggers thoughts is certainly entertaining, enlightening and insightful.

With that being said I hope with this blog I’m going to squeeze out the big 3,000 which is funny because to accomplish that I need the big NUMBER TWO.

Even before I realized the above info I already had my topic in mind. It’s not often you plan a blog, think it through and sit down to write it and realize the universe has lined up to support your shit. It’s monumental.

That being said I want to address three things I hate.

1) Being judged. No explanation needed here I’m sure. Everyone hates to be judged.

2) Equal Rights not being allowed Equally to Everyone. I’m not going to elaborate on this one just read or watch the news.

3) 1ply and Number Two. This one I’m gonna explain because I bet you hate it too.

It goes like this:

The last time you got some ass was when your finger slipped through the toilet paper.

Another reason why I hating working with the public you never know what just happened in the bathroom or the bedroom and everyone wants to shake your hand or touch your shoulder or dig their cash outta their sweaty bra where it’s plastered against their gigant tits. Okay I should get back to my topic.

1ply toilet paper what the hell is it’s purpose?

Seriously what does this clean up?


1ply just spreads it around and leaves it there for later. Crusty.


This is what it feels like when you are visiting your friends or family and realize they only have 1ply toilet paper. Friends don’t let friends wipe with their fingers. Buy 2ply you cheap fuker.


Never mind the obvious of just spreading the shit crap around and your finger slipping through the 1ply, here’s what it feels like across your butthole:


Oh damn even worse there’s no toilet paper… and here’s why:


Don’t panic and do this unless you enjoy shit on your fingers.


2ply Toilet paper buy it and be kind to your behind and protect your fingers.


Or just be smart like I am and carry these in your bag. Does the cleaning without getting poo on your fingers and feels wonderful.


7 thoughts on “1ply, 2ply and Number Two

  1. That woman eats 4 rolls a week!??? WTF?! I never heard of such a thing! Yeah! Even Scott tissue is two ply for crying out loud! I won’t use anything but it at home. One individual at my house insists on using great wads of paper so her fingers don’t get wet! that’s what soap is for! Anything other than Scott will plug my crapper up for days with that monster in my house.
    Love the post! The title hooked (almost typed hookt) me in.

  2. Omg! Lmmfao!!! Yer a nut but very true. Is it really that much more exspensive to just make a better messer cleaner upper? Lol…oh btw just an fyi…Charmon causes CLITY LITTER! That’s my public annoncement for the day…bahahahaaha…

    • Damn you certainly said it best Clity Litter is exactly what it causes. I don’t keep it in my house. I’ve heard it causes Butt TP balls for men with their hairy buttholes too. The disgusting things I know.
      Thanks for being a reader and commenting.

  3. How do you know these things you know? Or do I want to know? I am definitely a two ply individual who tries to do the number two at home at all times. Doesn’t always work though!

  4. Can’t begin to tell you how many times I have felt my own bung hole with what I thought was a tidy wrapped set of 2-ply booty wiping fingers……I don’t have anything against my bung hole, but if I am at my girlfriend’s house (for instance) and I have to (Gawd forbid) take a poo , I sure as hell don’t want my fingers to slip through a 1-ply and grab my messy little poo poo butt.

    I don’t know if anyone else has had this experience (joke)….but poo poo smell doesn’t wash off the fingers very easily…the poo smell is there to stay and there is no amount of snooping through her cabinets for some magic cleaner that is gonna fix this fuked up mess.

    2-ply, wet wipes + tidy shaved booty and puss = Hello Darlin

  5. This was funny! Wow honey, you should that I really enjoy your site! Rock On! I know that I’m late but I’ve been very busy, school work, book! but I saved all of your emails so I can catch up! That’s how much I enjoy your blog. Smooches dear and congrats!

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